我一直在等一個人,等一個我心中最完美的人.

I have nothing to do now. Blur me forgot to bring my phone and rubberband out today.. FYP suppose to start at 8.30, and i woke up at 8...hence all the blur-ness.. Anyway...left house with bro today to the train.. On the way we talked..alot.. It's been a long time since i had a long talk with him...eventhough i see him at home everyday.. He reminds me of the bad memories... Since young he hasn't been looking up to me as a sis..or rather...he hates me..i can say..Cuz he always think that my dad favours me more..even till now... I'm angry with him too..for not being understanding and being childish.. Sometimes, i don't even bother about what he's doing, where he has gone to.. But when i saw him being handcuffed on court that day...i cried as if my loved one died.. i wanted very much to hug him..tightly...after he was released..but somehow i couldn't.. i dunno what's holding me back..I felt guilty..very..for not taking him in hand since young... Deep down in me..i know i love him more than anyone other than my dad...

When we were small kids, we use to quarrel everyday..there wasn't a moment of peace at home if we two were in.. Growing up, we had to travel to school everyday, by long journey buses.. School's at north but we stayed in the south... Bringing that naughty fella to school wasn't an easy job for me at the age of 9..in school, his teacher would always ask him to come to my class, and ask me to go and see her..for a complaining session... There was once, she was sooo mad..that she scolded me too... (i was primary 3 that time and my bro just got admitted to primary 1) i can still remember what she said...she said: your parents divorced, they are bad parents, only bad parents give birth to bad children.. Immediately, my tear came rolling down.. So i went running back to my class.. Dunno how the class know what happened..a few days after.. everyone started to leave me out..not only me, my bro also kenna.. Being bullied was already a normal thing for me and my bro...nasty things and bad comments..i still remember vividly...

Finally, we get to transfer school again...back to hong dao and the school later combined with 2 other schools..and was then named Anderson Primary.. I was in primary 6 then..after three years, at the age of 12..i've grown up to be someone who has no confident..but yet independent..I kept myself away from my classmates even when they wanna talk to me...even teachers as well...And there was once, my friend's hot wheels toy car was stolen...i told my teacher about it and so she went on checking my bag first since i was sitting infront of the teacher's desk..she found the damn thing in my bag and accussed me of stealing..I swear to god i didn't steal..but she shouted at me..saying : i know you come from a broken and poor family, and you have poor attitide but you dont have to steal.. i argued that i didn't..if i did..i wouldnt be so stupid to tell her that my friend's toy was stolen..then she said...because you dont wan me to suspect you.. Piang..i felt so...urgh...! So i took my bag and went home.. No one belived me..not even my friend.. I reached home, called my dad..and cried as he answered my call and told him what happenned...Eventhough i dont stay with him since young after my parents divorced, (cuz he had to work and earn $) i always feel the love from him..and my mum..she abandoned us for another guy...who gave her $800 to be together with him...he later ill-treated her and broke one of her rib-cage for not buying beer home for him i heard...

After i graudated from primary school...i neva went back on teacher's day...cuz i hate that stupid teacher... i hate the memories i had there..but anyway..i still wanna thank her (Mrs Chan Kok San i still remember her full name) for accusing me cuz she made me decide that i should do well and prove her wrong..,those who bullied me and my bro..cuz they make me learn how to protect myself...and also my mum..cuz she made me realise..that i have a great dad...

Bad memories helps us grow. Good memories rewards us when we grow. I love my papa.